VICTOR LIAPIN "HIPPOPOTAMUS DREAMS"
MANE PAGE
VICTOR LIAPIN

HIPPOPOTAMUS DREAMS
FARCE

THE CHARACTERS:
FATHER
MOTHER
DAUGHTER
GUEST

There are four chairs on the scene. All characters sit on this chairs. During the whole action they practically do not depart from the scene.
Father arises and brings bath with the water on the little wheels. Father is in pajamas and slippers.
He sweetly stretches himself. He looks at the bath. He approaches it and blissfully flops into the water, spilling it around himself.

FATHER. I am a hippopotamus!.. I am a tsar of beasts!..
Hey, servant! Viands, spectacles, pleasures! Or I will have them cut your unwashed neck! I am a righteous man, and you are a sinner. Remember who is a master here and what your life costs.
Abyss is before you. Abyss is after you. You are altogether only my dream, a strange dream of a good-natured animal, that closes one''''s eyes in the warm rays of the ascending sun.
I''''ve never sinned... Not by word. Because I can not speak. Not by action. Because all my actions are predetermined... This is neither contradiction nor disobedience nor slander... Who me to slander on?
There is neither envy nor hatred nor selfishness in me. My Volaries are strongly protected. No stranger will enter here. They bring food to me at a fixed time. If they cease to bring it, I will simply die, without understanding what happened to me.
I love all and love no one. My love is a patience and a charity. It does not envy, it does not extol and is not proud, it does not vandalize, it does not search for something, it is not irritating, it is not glad for untruth, it covers everything, it believes in everything, in all it hopes, it transfers everything.
I turn my tail like a cedar; my feet are like copper pipes, my bones are like iron twigs. My respiration incandesces carbons, and flame leaps from my mouth. My heart is as solid as stone, and it is as cruel as the nether millstone. There is nobody like me on the earth; I was created fearless. I look boldly at all others; I am the tsar above all proud sons.
I am a hippopotamus...
Is it?.. It is ... It is enough... (He comes out from the bath) It is too cold today, it is dank... Now! Now! Let''''s go to sleep under the blanket!

Father runs away.

Mother, daughter and guest actively talk after the morning coffee.
Guest examines the album of impressionists.

MOTHER. Amazing, amazing picture!..
GUEST. Yes, but Lotrek is more erotic.
MOTHER. You have a unique opinion about many things.
GUEST. Cream is remarkable.
MOTHER. Do you want some more?
GUEST. With pleasure.
When I lived in Moscow, I had an excellent dog. Cocker-spaniel. Bough. It was Clever, beautiful, obedient, good. It would sit on my knees, place it''''s head on my breast and stand still. And there is such sincere affection in my dog, such love, that, you see, I just shut my eyes - and seems to me that my mother caresses me as in my childhood.
MOTHER. You are such an impressionable person.
DAUGHTER. So lively you say. You must have felt really lonely.
GUEST. There is no one more faithful than that dog.

Father enters.

FATHER. Shouldn''''t I interrupt something?
MOTHER. You are in a good mood. Jokes this early in the morning.
GUEST. How do you do, Anton Ivanovich.
FATHER. I am good, I am very good, my darling, and I hope the same for you.
What about last night?
MOTHER. Excuse me, to whom do you ask the question?
FATHER. What are you talking about?
GUEST. About dogs.
Must say to you, Anton Ivanovich, I have obtained an encouraging letter from my scientific leader. He sent money to me to equip the mission. Soon I will pay you.
FATHER. This is very good, very good. I never doubted it, that you are a precious person. True, Galochka?
MOTHER. Well here, again it begins. My Entire life you suspect me of something. Just one young person appears in our house - and immediately there is this skewed face, these groundless scenes of jealousy.
Yes, we are forced to have a guest. But this only because your worthless wages are not enough for us!
Well, maybe it is pleasant for me, maybe I do allow light flirtation and advances. And so? My life is one long kitchen resounding to your idiotic reprimands. Is that life? Do you want me to go mad with the boredom and the endlessness?
In addition we have an adult daughter and she is a fool, who can not get marred. O''''key, find lovers for her by yourself, if you do not like what I make of it!
DAUGHTER. Oh, my Lord, you begin to pester with requests and to quarrel every morning. When will you cease? And precious lodger smirks with his oily erysipelas! Nonentity! And mom scolded her feathers before guest as fifteen year prostitute! You would know that he speaks about you in my bed.
GUEST. (to father) It is necessary to be sweeter with the mother. If only to avoid my debts. But which of them is better? How to tell? Scientifically, It is necessary to spend the night with them both. Well, good idea!
FATHER. (to guest) Unfortunately, there are no doubts. Everything, to which I dedicated my life, turned out a lie. I will burn all my notebooks, all my books. Right now! And never more!...[fade away thinking of his studies] Now I have only my family, only these own dear persons. Yes, yes, yes! Only the family, only quiet evenings together, reading Gumilev, talking about Russian history...
GUEST. Your father''''s a fool.
FATHER. Forgive me, what did you say?
GUEST. I said, that you have such a dear and contemporary family. And it brings me joy. Looking at you, I dream about the same pleasant future for myself. But unfortunately, men assume, and god, as is known, arranges, and we never know what we will have tomorrow.
MOTHER. Get out and come back like all normal people.

Father obediently goes out and comes back.

FATHER. How do you do, comrads.
MOTHER. (joyfully) Let me introduce - our dad, the head of family, Antoine Ivanovich, a well-known specialist of applied history of literature, almost a professor.
DAUGHTER. Daddy, this is Sergey Petrovich.
FATHER. I do not understand.
MOTHER. Here is your coffee.
FATHER. But cream?
MOTHER. Sergey Petrovich drank the cream.
GUEST. I am very glad to meet you.
FATHER. What time is it now?
MOTHER. Ten.
FATHER. Why do we have a guest?
MOTHER. We have since yesterday evening. Amazing, how could you not have noticed.
FATHER. Are you a scientist?
GUEST. N-n- n... Partly. I think I am businessman. You have an amazingly hospitable wife and daughter.
FATHER. Yes?.. It seems to me, yesterday was it windy?
GUEST. It depends on our view on meteorology as science. There was a draught.
FATHER. The entire evening I was looking out the window. The wind brought dowthe trees.
GUEST. Well, maybe, maybe But this wind did not interfere with our pleasant party.
DAUGHTER. Sergey Petrovich came to us from the capital. He so amazingly tells about the charms of contemporary life! Ah, I am charmed!
MOTHER. It is not important, where the man lives. It is important that he represents himself.
FATHER. Why did I sleep in the kitchen?
MOTHER. Maybe, it was necessary for your scientific labor. We did not want to disturb you.
FATHER. My work moves amazingly slowly.
MOTHER. That''''s right. You keep on your arms a heavy burden.
GUEST. Would you be so kind as to tell me something of the theme of your studies?
DAUGHTER. Problems of the sufferings of male- praying mantis in the context of the development of the cultural tradition of the twentieth century... O, our daddy is a great scientist!..
FATHER. My daughter is a fool, and the wife is a coquette.
GUEST. This is very original.
MOTHER. Fi!
DAUGHTER. Fi!
FATHER. Where did you stop in our city?
GUEST. Hm, hm... See, to a certain extent... here. Galina Ivanovna and Helen Antonovna were so amiable and now host me at your house under mutually advantageous conditions. I could not refuse.
MOTHER. Yes, this is completely necessary. We are extremely squeezed materially and, furthermore, for our Helen... you understand me... it has high value... cultural society, secular conversations and some other...
DAUGHTER. Sergey Petrovich adores Goethe and French impressionists like me. We are close souls.
FATHER. Whatever, but what about your past lover?
MOTHER. Are you kidding, Antoine?!.. Do not re-open old wounds!..
DAUGHTER. This is completely, daddy!.. It is so uncomfortable to me, dear Sergey Petrovich. What would you think?
GUEST. The room is good. It is clean, it is comfortable. The windows are on the sunny side.
FATHER. That means, you will live here.
And how long, colleague?
GUEST. M-m... this is not so simple a question.
FATHER. You see, I have lived here a long time... A very long time... I have seen enough... I am not surprised anymore...
Three years ago my wife brought in a chimpanzee. Domesticated. My wife and daugher hosted him like you. Nothing wrong with that, it was a good animal. And it did not bother with conversations. I suffered for three months. We even breakfasted, if you will belive it, at one table. Here! And it sat, by the way, at your place.
MOTHER. Do you want coffee, Sergey Petrovich?
GUEST. No. Thanks.
FATHER. Please, drink! Do not be troubled. We are not so poor. We have enough coffee for dear guests.
DAUGHTER. However, (with tears on her eyes) why you keep silent, mom?!..
MOTHER. Do not cry, girl, do not cry! Calm yourself!.. Antuane, say that you are joking!..
FATHER. I am not An-tu-a-ne. I am Anton.
MOTHER. Yes, Yes, Anton!
FATHER. I do not care.
MOTHER. You see, girl. Daddy just joked.
GUEST. In the capital I saw exotic animals in many homes too. It is a style .
FATHER. That''''s what I said . It is a style.
May I introduce myself? Anton Ivanovich Kulebyakin, a very good person. Be certain of it. Who am I? I am a scoundrel, but with a crystalline soul. You will see, I with you will join. We will be like brothers, but remember I am always ready to bite your head off.
Already I am very glad to meet you. So glad, so glad.
GUEST. Galina Ivanovna has a very good opinion about you too.
FATHER. Frankly speaking, Galina Ivanovny''''s opinion does not interest me as much as yours.
GUEST. To which science is your work dedicated?
FATHER. Is it so interesting for you?
GUEST. Undoubtedly. In my childhood I also dreamed to become a scientist.
FATHER. To the hippopotamus.
GUEST. Excuse me?
FATHER. To animals, to cattle, class representative of mammals.
GUEST. You are zoologist?
FATHER. Probably. To a certain extent. However, I see, this does not interest you, you are tired.
GUEST. No-no. This is extremely interesting.
DAUGHTER. Our dad is a big original.
GUEST. I do not doubt it.
FATHER. Will you permit me, in that case, to ask you one question?
GUEST. Of course.
FATHER. Did you sleep, last night, in the bedroom of my wife?
MOTHER. Anton!..
GUEST. I... I was too drunk yesterday. I drank too much.
FATHER. It''''s a pity. It means, you wouldn''''t have noticed.
GUEST. What?
FATHER. The window in the bedroom of my wife. It opens onto the school courtyard. The Courtyard is planted with poplars. There is a desert road after the poplars.
Then...Then... The local zoo is beyond that. Its iron fence usually glistens in the rays of the evening sun.
I will give you my binoculars this evening if you want!.. Or we can look at this together.
GUEST. To look at what?
FATHER. To look at him. To see how he will climb from his dirty pond and warm himself in the sun. Unfortunately, this occurs extremely rarely and only before sunset. The last time this happened... well, let me remember... approximately one month ago. Yes, exactly month ago, when we hosted a architect from Petersburg .
I wrote about it in my diary . If you want, I will bring my diary.
GUEST. Thanks, no. Not now. I am ill after yesterday''''s party.
FATHER. As you wish, may I go?
GUEST. Where?
FATHER. I thought, that I prevent you from drinking your morning coffee.
GUEST. No, you do not prevent me.
DAUGHTER. Our daddy relates to his scientific labor very seriously. He has already several volumes of studies.
GUEST. Probably, this is very interesting. Are you going to publish them?
FATHER. No. Only twenty five years after my death.
GUEST. Why hippopotami?
FATHER. Yes, I frequently ask myself that.... Everyday, every hour, every second... Why precisely the hippopotamus? Why? Why? Why?
Maybe it is just for my humiliation? No, it cannot be. I know all my humiliations.
For what reason he is so isolated from others? Why he? Not me and not you?
Maybe he has more compassions, conscientiousnesses, respects? Or has he a special philosophical type of mind? Or perhaps his love for his female is more refined?
Or he''''s a formless heap of bones, skin and meat with reckless, senseless eyes. Am I not right?
GUEST. I do not entirely understand, why are you so agitated?.
MOTHER. Calm down, my darling. Drink drops.
FATHER. Sorry. The architect was better. At least, he was quicker on the uptake.
What you will do in our city?
GUEST. I will construct a new water-supply.
DAUGHTER. Sergey Petrovich, can you help me in my room now?
GUEST. With great pleasure. (they depart)
MOTHER. What a courteous cavalier!
FATHER. At last we are alone.
MOTHER. What''''s happened with you today? You are sad.
FATHER. I do not know. A lump in my throat. My substance is subjected to natural cataclysms more and more. There is a storm outside - and there is a storm in me like in communicating vessels. Probably, I prepare to become part of nature.
MOTHER. Does he strongly irritate you?
FATHER. No. Not more than your architect.
MOTHER. You gave me freedom yourself.
FATHER. You wanted this.
MOTHER. A woman never knows, what she wants.
FATHER. Is something not right within you?
MOTHER. Just the absence of love.
FATHER. (after pause) Today again I awoke with your name in my mouth. The window into the garden was open. In the branches of the linden, which was planted over my grandfather, hid a nightingale. It''''s joyful song made my heart quiver.
I wanted to run to the river barefoot, to rush into the boat and to swim, to swim, to swim, whispering to the skies your name: - dear, my loved, the only one! Your eyes were so clean! Your smile was so light! Bubbling light filled my life, when you were next to me!
MOTHER. And I could not fall asleep the whole night. After we parted, I always repeated your words. Your words sounded in my heart like music: - I love you, I love you, I will give you life...
[MF kiss]
FATHER. And so it happened.
MOTHER. What?
FATHER. You got my life. The been became the not been, and the not been became the been.
MOTHER. This is an exaggeration. A Metaphor. It cannot be taken away which was not.
FATHER. It can. Did you warm?
MOTHER. A little. But you are not in the spirit today. There is no inspiration. Effaced words, false intonation. The fire was but little.
FATHER. Maybe it''''s because your Sergey Petrovich ate up my cream.
MOTHER. Fi, it''''s not serious! Don''''t tell me about cup of cream.
FATHER. The stomach requires itself.
What do you think about a copple of jealousy now?
MOTHER. Why not? But do not exaggerate, as with the last time... the running with the axe irritated our neighbors.
FATHER. I am sure it was good entertainment for them. They''''re simply dieing with boredom. The burgers, the pigs.
MOTHER. No, I do not want a brawl. A duel is better. Catch him in my bedroom and propose a fight with knives. I with the daughter will purchase champagne and candies, she will call friends, and we will wave by white and red shawls - defeat each other or leave conquered life.
FATHER. This is foolish.
MOTHER. But it is nevertheless more intelligent than an axe.
FATHER. Do you love him?
MOTHER. I do not know. I will see.
FATHER. Do you want to divorce?
MOTHER. Maybe. Dut not now.
FATHER. Swindlers . You assail me from all sides.
MOTHER. Alone you would die from boredom.
FATHER. We have played this game for twenty years.
MOTHER. So? Sometimes you like it more then me.
FATHER. Nonsense. Shaking of air. I run on the spot.
MOTHER. Go to the bathroom, darling. Hot water will quiet your nerves. Splash with the bubbles, relax.
FATHER. Do not give him my cream anymore. O''''key?
MOTHER. O''''key. Sorry, I did not know that cream is so important to you.

They solemnly go to the different sides.
Guest and daughter run in.

GUEST. Your mum is a fool. Will you marry me?
DAUGHTER. Why are you always joke with me?
GUEST. Don''''t worry, darling, don''''t worry. I do not like your thick sponges.
DAUGHTER. I dream that we have a child.
GUEST. Why not? I agree. It''''s the usual thing and it does not prevent my mission.
DAUGHTER. Really even my tears will not warm your heart?
GUEST. Do not be like your mother. Why are you crying? You have such beautiful eyes.
DAUGHTER. Nevertheless now I will begin to cry. It never will repeated.
GUEST. What?
DAUGHTER. First night of love.
GUEST. Maybe for you? But not for me. I will have many such nights.
O''''key, we can continue our lessons.
DAUGHTER. Do you love me?
GUEST. I do.
DAUGHTER. Why do you not caress me?
GUEST. I got tired a little. You are too frisky.
DAUGHTER. If you leave me, I will die.
GUEST. I know. Me too.
DAUGHTER. No, you do not love me.
GUEST. However, , I said that I love.
DAUGHTER. I told mom everything.
GUEST. About what?
DAUGHTER. Our love.
GUEST. I know.
DAUGHTER. Mom also told me everything.
GUEST. Yes? And what did she tell you??
DAUGHTER. You are scoundrel! Villain and scoundrel!
GUEST. Well, at last I can leave.
DAUGHTER. No, wait! I need to talk with you !
Hysterics will happen to me now.
GUEST. Wait, I will sit down in the armchair, it''''s more comfortable. You begin, when I flap. O''''key! Start! (He flaps)
DAUGHTER. You bantered with me like a last dreg. First you penetrated in our house, pretending intellectual and aesthete. My inexperienced soul yielded with your fascination. But this was insolent fraud! Fraud, fraud, abomination and fraud! You just want to amuse with me!
O, why I did not know your heart? Why I did not know your thoughts? Fool! Why I believed your beautiful words?!
GUEST. Well. Remember, darling! You rushed to my neck just as I appeared in your house. You told me you had awaited me for long years. You told me my appearance accurately reflects your adolescent visions. You even remembered my voice from your child''''s dreams. Did you not tell me this?
I did not have time to open my mouth. You practically violated me in your bed.
DAUGHTER. (to mother) Mom, plug your ears! This is a dirty lie!
MOTHER. (from the doors) It seems to me it is time to help you.
FATHER. I do not agree. . Parental authority must not prevail over children. They need to be distroyed without our help Be free, my children!
MOTHER. (to daughter) Look, as I do, my darling. Just more tact! Watch me! (to guest) Do you love me?
GUEST. I do.
MOTHER. Why do you not caress me?
GUEST. I got tired a little. You are too frisky.
MOTHER. No, you do not love me.
GUEST. However, I said that I love.
MOTHER. I told my daughter everything.
GUEST. About what?
MOTHER. Our love.
GUEST. I know.
MOTHER. My daughter told everything to me too.
GUEST. Yes? And what did she tell you?
MOTHER. That you are scoundrel! A Villain and a scoundrel!
GUEST. Well, at last I can leave.
MOTHER. No! Wait! We need to talk!
Hysterics will happen to me now.
GUEST. Well, not bad, not bad. You begin, when I flap! (he flaps) Start!
MOTHER. Father! You need to say something!!!
FATHER. What for? Everything''''s o''''key. You slightly re-played, but in general it''''s a completely decent play.
I like mother''''s play more.
GUEST. No.
FATHER. No?
GUEST. No.
FATHER. That is strange. (To wife) Let us go, my darling. (they leave)
GUEST. I love only one thing in my life. And this thing is the music of water-supply. I am ready to listen for hours to the grumbling and wheezing of pipes. Water pipes are perfect. Not one woman in the world possesses this perfect perfection.
DAUGHTER. You must love me at least from the pity. I have migraine, palpitation, the indigestion, pain into the liver, the blackouts. This is the results of your severe rotation with me.
GUEST. Get out, a profligate! Pure water from the fixed system washed the contamination from my soul and I understood that the past was an error.
Well, listen to me. Dear! Imagine for a minute that you get me. What then? The water-supply of all the other cities will fall into decay. Each morning you will feed me with borsch and give me coffee with cream. But then any fitter will appear or an engineer, and will begin to insolently drink my cream. I was born free. During all my childhood I dreamed about freedom. I saw my road. New water-conducting systems! That''''s all I need in my life.
But years, poor equipment and bad people broke me. It was necessary for me to leave the city, and pipes rusted, bilious old men sent irritated letters to my authorities. Nothing can be preserved in our world. Firms expelled me. One after another. My clothing became rags, the dust of roads penetrated my skin. I began to use any possibility to make money. And often it was not compatible with my vocation. It was life. Nature required itself, and I tempted women, close to the water-supply and simple fellow-travellers. Sometimes this gave me gladness, sometimes grief.
DAUGHTER. You need wife.Warm tears of your one and only is necessary to you now.
GUEST. It is useless. I lost my way.
DAUGHTER. You never tell nothing about your family. What is your nationality?
GUEST.I am a nationalist.
My father died ten years ago. At first I did nothing about it. But now I want to know, where is he? I walk around the city looking for him. Sometimes I see his shadow in the fog. But in general my attempts are vain.
DAUGHTER. Do you suffer?
GUEST. No, I do not suffer. I am waiting for the finale. I live like all people.
Where were you last night?
DAUGHTER. What?
GUEST. I asked, where were you last night?
DAUGHTER. In your bed. What''''s with you, dear? Whole night you kissed my eyes and said that you see a moon in them.
GUEST. This is strange. I would give head to the cutting off, that I spent last night in roadside bushes, freezing, drunk and lonely. Look, my clothes are sodden with contamination and leaves.
DAUGHTER. You are joke.
GUEST. It was, it was, it was, it was...
DAUGHTER. My father and mother are my fitnesses. They saw you in my room.
GUEST. I have fitnesses too. They are my deseased throat and throbbing temples. I shivered and got wet. Look, now I am ill.
Yesterday evening I felt amazingly terrible. I saw, that my life was measly, in which everything happens by chance, it is foolish, it is not necessary. I sneaked into the the anterroom, gripped the first raincoat (it was the torn raincoat of your father) and ran. I ran through the empty city, flooded by dirty flows of rain. It seemed to me that they strove for me, they overtook me. I rushed into the ditch and the measurement. I laid there ''''till dawn.
I know I am in that ditch even now.
DAUGHTER. Lie! I have entire breast in your suction.
GUEST. I want some cream.
DAUGHTER. Daddy will scold me.
GUEST. Well, what about some wine.
FATHER. Oh, my pure daughter! You shouldn''''t talk with this guy.
Child! Why are you so timid and bashful? Instead of tearing his throat with your sharp teeth, you caress and you take tender care of him - your tormentor! O, this is my fault!
Young man, do you have a beautiful case for binoculars?
GUEST. Alas, I have only my bag for open-end wrenches.
FATHER. Why did you come to our house?!
GUEST. I was wandering, and looking for shelter.
FATHER. Get out, my daughter. Do you want to sleep with this pleasant young person?
DAUGHTER. Of cource, daddy..
FATHER. In that case you are a simple fool. Fool, fool, fool!!! As is your mother!
Who will help me in my experiments? Who will handle me? To bring me coffee in bed? To help me consider the next scientific chapter? Where is your daughterly attachment and love? Where is your respect for my gray hairs?
DAUGHTER. I saw respect for your gray hairs in my anus.
Did you really think that for your scabby searches, which were necessary perhaps that to two-three the same old ass like you, I will bury themselves in this God-forsaken place? Any brothel house is sweeter than these paternal Penates!
FATHER. One additional breach... One additional hole... Breach after the breach! Murder after murder! The bird of my holiness tore its wings!
GUEST. Everything is because of cream..
FATHER. O, cream! O, dream!
Go, daughter, and think about the facts I have told you. And be as reasonable as a fairy. And do not act like a sailors prostitute.
GUEST. You are an amazingly sensitive father.
FATHER. Forget about it, Sergey Petrovich.Will keep our modesty and talk about Love.
... So, had a successful night? Yes? " Spinner- yaks, squabbler..."? No?
GUEST. What are you talking about?
FATHER. Just about my wife and my daugher.
GUEST. I think that we understand each other wonderfully. We are dreamers. That''''s the main thing. The disgrace of possession - that''''s all we can get from such relations.
FATHER. Yes, of cource, the privilege of the saints - to feast on the ruins of passion.
However, long ago I was deprived of this pleasure.
GUEST. Did you try to harmonize your impressions?
Why do you jump up in the mornings and rush with frenzied eyes to the wash-stand? What does lie behind this Jesuit habit to desire each other a "Good morning"? As if the morning can be good or evil for any individual idiot? Why do you tell your wife every night: "That''''s it for today, darling. Tomorrow will be better"?
FATHER. Habits, commandments, auto-suggestion, for the beauty of our ladys.
GUEST. (cries) It seems to me, there is no truth in the world. All are lies.
FATHER. Young man, you have had an attack of philosophy.
I can not talk about the ideas and ideals, but women are sometimes very appetizing!
GUEST. Who are you?
FATHER. I do not know. I also do not know, who you are.

Guest with the tears leaves. Mother comes in.

MOTHER. Close your eyes.
FATHER. I did.
MOTHER. Think about me.
What you do see?
FATHER. A Old terrible woman, who carries to me a glass of water.
MOTHER. Recall that you love me.
Did you recall?
FATHER. Yes? I recalled.
MOTHER. So then?
FATHER. Nothing.
MOTHER. Try again. Now cover your eyes with your other hand.
FATHER. The same old woman. I am scared, darling.
MOTHER. Do not be. It will pass.
FATHER. It is necessary to get accustomed to love little by little.
MOTHER. I see.
FATHER. Our daughter has your eyes.
... and what do we need love for? It is necessary to search for something real. Am I right?
MOTHER. Love heats the soul.
FATHER. Does it? Then we shall try again. (he closes with the hand of eye)
No! I am too tired. Maybe later.

He leaves. Mother calls up daughter.

MOTHER. What are you busy with, daughter?
DAUGHTER. I''''m cutting veins.
MOTHER. I am astonished. Because of him?
He''''s just a plumber!
DAUGHTER. I know everything.
MOTHER. No, not all. You do not know, how deep and tremblingly I love your father.
DAUGHTER. You betray him.
MOTHER. Love is treachery. Perhaps you do not see, do I not feed him as a bird from my hand?
He is happy with me.
DAUGHTER. You are simple witch.
MOTHER. You are still so young and inexperienced! Why do you have such a timid heart! When you learn to see the truth, you will forgive and understand me. We will again become kind friends. Let me kiss you! (kisses her) Oh, my sweet! Tender!
DAUGHTER. Ah, mom, I suffer from him! (she cries)
MOTHER. Suffer, suffer. With suffering you are converted from this girl into a woman. From the nasty duckling into the goddess. You will have new skin, new thoughts and new eyes.

They leave. Guest runs. The father runs after him and peeles by broom on his head.

FATHER. Young man, duel, only duel! I do not intend to suffer mockeries from an unimportant, uneducated person! Yes, yes, yes! Specifically, precisely, - an unimportant and uneducated person!!!
You invaded our life, you destroyed my family, you defiled my sacred things! You are a cheat and a swindler!
GUEST. Bravo, bravo. (they are embraced)
FATHER. Do you like it? It''''s not too pathetic?
GUEST. I would even add here a ringing slap - such,[smack him]. You see, from the heart!
FATHER. With pleasure, with pleasure. But first look, your shoes are soiled. I will polish them!

Father rushes and wipes shoe on guest.

FATHER. One speck!.. And another!

Father embraces the legs of guest and he sobs.

FATHER. All people are guilty! Everything! Law-court! Law-court! Give the death penalty to all people - to opressors, to killers, to geniuses, to heroes! All - to the worms! All to the fertilizer!
Life is a fraud. They draw us into this matter, without asking our agreement. But then they eject us.
I fear my death terribly. I want my immortality. A personal forgery. Specifically, for myself. For these brains and this penis. Not for the parents, not for you, not for the children. Just for myself. Maybe for other people too. But first of all for myself.
I cannot die. I can not imagine that I will die. Machines crush others. The others fall into shafts [pointing out audience members], they perish from bullets in war, they perish in the hospitals, they die from old age[a child if there is one]. But this will not happen to me. Will not happen, and that''''s it! It cannot occur. Because this is me. Here is me - living, healthy, with a wife, with a mistress, with children, with a cat, with a parrot, got dammit. I walk, I breathe. I drink wine. I eat bread. And so it will be eternally.
I am not yet dead, but I already await resurrection. What have I done for resurrection? Was I pure? No. Was I light? No.
I lived my life loathsomely. Without prayers, without love, without repentance.
But nevertheless I must be resurrected. The first one! It is nessesary. Specifically, me (me, me, me!..). Because I belong (I must belong!) to that quiet Christ''''s chosen white bone, and paradise is prepared for me. Hell is not made for me. And I do not need any saviours'''' death.
And indeed so I will die with this faith, and in this there is my faith entire, that I will be resurrected first and I will also continue to live forever, only more substantial, more lighthearted, more gladder...
I am a hippopotamuss. I am chosen.
GUEST. Certainly, certainly. Why not? Please, get up.. To me, right, it is uncomfortable. You are so... impressionable!
FATHER. (rises from the knees,wipes tears) Maybe, you will try?
GUEST. Why not? I like you. You are so frank with me.. Is it hard?
FATHER. It''''s very simple. You just need to concentrate. To concentrate your will. Stretch your hands like a large bird. (he brings to the guest bath with the water)
GUEST. I can not do it.
FATHER. Again! Easy! Close your eyes!
GUEST. Strange.Perhaps I am not ready. I have urgent work. The pipes in the adjacent block are elapsed. I don''''t know you that well.
FATHER. Never mind! Never mind! . Everything''''s under control. Keep your way.
Easy, boy, easy!
GUEST. (he goes back) I can not. I can not.
FATHER. Take the binoculars! Maybe you will be braver with my binoculars!
GUEST. No. Where are your wife and daughter?
FATHER. It was all a dream. You sleep. What do you hold to? What are you afraid of?
Quickly, quickly! The best water-supply is there!
GUEST. I do not understand. You are mad. Leave me! I will call for help!
FATHER. Are you sure? Is that your last word? O''''key, then me. Hold my binoculars.
Hey, where are You? I am ready.
I am a hippopota...

Father, after stretching hands, rushes into the bath and turns into the hippopotamus.

Curtain.

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